google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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