9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I think I sprained my soul last night
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
