so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
