If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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