Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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