rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
