I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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