i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
