I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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