Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
how do flat chested girls get laid?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
