If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
