A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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