Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
