dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
