Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
