i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's blow job season.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
