I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
This is the high leading the old right now
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
