not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
