come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
