Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
