Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
