He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
