i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
