We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
