Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
