My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There's always time for handjobs
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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