have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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