I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
