He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
