so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
