They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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