we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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