i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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