Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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