my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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