I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
