you would pick up someone in the library
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
