2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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