So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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