Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
