I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
