she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
