dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
