We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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