there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
