Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
