everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
