Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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