If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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