Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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