whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
